I'd like to share my personal "What it took to get here" story so that others might find use or hope or inspiration.

I currently live in an Intentional Community. If I was the same person with the same mindset and emotional patterns and the same job as the guy 5 years ago, I never would have "seen" that a place like this existed. So how did I get here?

Baby steps. The metaphorical chasm that I needed to cross from the time of reading Ishmael until the time when I felt at peace and surrounded by loving caring members of tribe was so large that I would feel hopeful and hopeless at the same time. I wished that I could somehow be 'transported' into a tribal lifestyle. And many people do... but then they fall. The chasm is so wide and so deep that unless you're prepared and have made the steps along the path yourself, what can be found on the "other side" is so different and challenging that the stone path breaks apart as you walk on it.

But enough of imagery...

The first thing I needed was to know I wasn't alone. 8 years ago when I started this journey it was just that: my own journey. I was lucky enough to be living in a city (Orange County, CA) that had a Daniel Quinn group of 3 people already. I joined them and a few more showed up.

But we had no idea what lay before us. We talked and got nowhere. We pontificated and spat out supposed action items of leaving our jobs and moving into the country and living together. It sounded good at the time but it was too much. None of us were ready to leave our jobs or to leave our homes or to do anything of the sort. We were afraid. The fear kept us trapped.

The next thing I needed to do was leave. I left my girlfriend/fiancee, my career, my apartment, my friends, my city... my life. I was free. I could go anywhere and do anything. I was free. That was (and still is) a feeling that I wish everyone in the world could feel. I had been so trapped by the system that I thought I needed to stay. I heard people say, "But you have loans to pay off and a job that pays really well and a girl who loves you." "BUT I'M NOT HAPPY!" I would shout in my head. But not anymore... freedom at last.

Once I was free I decided to leave California and head up to Seattle, Washington. I don't know why. Something there drew me. Maybe it was the romantic ideal of Sleepless in Seattle. I know that might sound silly but I wanted to follow my dreams - and what better way than to follow a dreamy movie?

When I got there I got a job catering and started a company with a friend still down in California. This was my next step that I didn't realize I was taking at the time: independent computer consulting allowed me to have a flexible schedule, to say "yes" or "no" to work-life, to have one of my good friends be my "coworker", and to have no "boss".

I eventually found another girl (who is now my wife) and we joined another Ishmael group. But this time... it was different -- because of who we found. We found Charlie and Kevin. What made them so different is they were where I was. Charlie had left it all and was homeless in Seattle. Kevin was alone, his ex-wife and kid in some other state. We were all in the unique position of being able to go wherever we wanted and do whatever we wanted.

Our meetings were full of "thinking outside the cultural box". We looked at the "leaver treasury" and started to build bonds with each other. Our group grew and eventually Brian and others joined who would play an integral part in our development as an amateur family.

The next step came when we all attended Heart of Now (heartofnow.org). 6 of us went down to Dexter, Oregon together and attended a workshop that brought us closer to ourselves and each other than we ever could have imagined.

I'm going to pay special attention to this step. Although the ones prior allowed me to get to a place where I was free, surrounded by people who were free, and people whom I cared about - I was still not free of the voices that came OUT of me. What I mean by that is the way I responded to people, to situations, to emotions, to friends, to life... was all happening in ways that I had learned from a culture that's not healthy. At Heart of Now we all explored what it would look like to let go of those unhealthy patterns and to really let go of the walls that we used to shield ourselves. I allowed Charlie and Kevin and Brian and everyone else to see "me". A depth of me I had never dared let out. We found honesty and acceptance, compassion and empathy, beauty and sexiness... I saw parts of my inner-self that could shine brighter than the darkness culture had shrouded me in.

That step, allowed all of us to catapult forward in our vision. Once we had true connection with ourselves, we could reach out and have connection with others that surpassed our dreams.

We were more than half-way past the chasm, and the new wings we had were keeping us aloft. The 'plane' was no longer falling for us, but conformed to the laws of living a sustainable emotional life.

From there Kevin and I (and my wife) decided to move to Eugene, Oregon (20 minutes from Heart of Now) and started our own house-community. That step was easy.

The next steps were to learn about Non-Violent Communication (not the depths, just the basics) and to learn how to live with other people in authentic ways. We shared food, didn't have different prices for the different rooms (even though some were larger than others) but followed models of other Rural Intentional Communities.

Kevin fell in love with Becca who was living here in Duma (where we now all live). We moved in and have since learned even more.

But Duma and what I have learned while here is for another Blog. Because now the chasm has been crossed. So if you find yourself with wings, flying over a chasm, come fly by here, wave, and stay awhile and we'll swap stories of tribe, of family, and our journies. Or, if you're having trouble getting your feet off the ground, let me know. I enjoy helping those who are where I once was.

Care,
Aaron